Singular “They”: English Is MISSING a Pronoun and the Solution Is CONTROVERSIAL

Anyone who says they don’t use the singular “they” is likely kidding themselves. After all, you probably read that sentence with no trouble or misunderstanding at all, and it has not one but TWO singular “they”s! So why is the rule about using singular “they” so controversial? And if we can’t use it…what should we do instead?

What’s the Problem?

To really get into it, you need to know the basics of pronoun-antecedent agreement.

Pronoun-Antecedent Agreement

A pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun. In the sentence “Samson said he was going to the store,” “he” is the pronoun that is referring to Samson (so you don’t have to say “Samson” twice, because “Samson said Samson was going to the store” sounds funny). The word that a pronoun is referring to is its antecedent; in the previous example, “Samson” is the antecedent for the pronoun “he.”

When you use a pronoun (like “he,” “she,” “you,” “them,” “they,” or “it”), it has to have the same number and gender as its antecedent. In other words, a pronoun must “agree” with its antecedent.

I picked up the book and set them on the shelf.

In that sentence, “them” is the pronoun, but it’s referring to “the book.” “The book” is singular, but “them” is plural, so the pronoun and antecedent don’t agree and the sentence is not grammatically correct. To make the pronoun agree with its antecedent, we need a singular pronoun.

I picked up the book at set it on the shelf.

This is something you probably do automatically most of the time, but once in a while it can get tricky if you have multiple pronouns and antecedents in a single sentence. And it can also get tricky if English is MISSING a pronoun!

But Singular “They” Doesn’t Agree

“They” is a plural pronoun, but it has been used to refer to indefinite pronouns like “anyone,” “everyone,” and “somebody.” Those indefinite pronouns don’t have antecedents (hence the name “indefinite”), but most of them are considered singular. It’s anyONE, after all.

Even though “they” is plural, it doesn’t sound weird to have it refer to a singular pronoun:

The teacher said that everyone should take out their pencils.

I highlighted that example in green, indicating that it’s correct, but not everyone would agree with me on that. Singular “they” is quite controversial, and it’s all because of a gap in the English vocabulary.

It’s All English’s Fault

The English language has all kinds of pronouns to agree with many different kinds of antecedents, but it’s MISSING a common-gender third-person singular pronoun.

We have gender-specific third-person singular pronouns (“he” and “she”), a common-gender second-person singular pronoun (“you”), a common-gender third-person plural pronoun (“they”), but we don’t have one that’s common-gender, third-person, and singular.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary of English Usage explains it with this quote from Chambers (1985): “One most annoying gap in English vocabulary is that created by the lack of a third person singular pronoun that does not state explicitly the sex of the person or persons referred to.”

This becomes a problem when referring to an indefinite singular pronoun or if you want to refer to a singular individual whose gender you don’t know. So what are we supposed to do?

But We’ve Had a Solution for Over 600 Years

Never fear: We actually came up with a solution way back in the 1300s. Phew! That was a close one. That solution is the singular “they”! If English doesn’t have a common-gender third-person singular pronoun, we’ll just borrow the plural one.

Here’s an example of the singular “they” used by Chaucer in 1395:

“And whoso fyndeth hym out of swich blame, They wol come up…” —Chaucer, “The Pardoner’s Prologue” ca. 1395 (Middle English)

The Oxford English Dictionary lists another Medieval use of singular “they”: “The Oxford English Dictionary traces singular they back to 1375, where it appears in the medieval romance William and the Werewolf. Except for the old-style language of that poem, its use of singular ‘they’ to refer to an unnamed person seems very modern. Here’s the Middle English version: ‘Hastely hiȝed eche . . . þei neyȝþed so neiȝh . . . þere william & his worþi lef were liand i-fere.’ In modern English, that’s: ‘Each man hurried . . . till they drew near . . . where William and his darling were lying together.’ Since forms may exist in speech long before they’re written down, it’s likely that singular they was common even before the late fourteenth century. That makes an old form even older.”

No problem, right? There was a gap, but we filled it about 600 years ago. So…why the controversy?

So What Happened? (The Pedantic Patriarchy Happened)

“Pedantic Patriarchy” is a phrase that I’m very proud to have come up with for this post. It very accurately describes what happened to the commonly used singular “they.” First, let’s talk pedantics.

In about the eighteenth century, English grammarians suddenly decided that indefinite pronouns like “anyone” and “somebody” must always be singular, which means they have to have matching singular pronouns. So singular “they” (being plural) was out.

The patriarchy comes in because these grammarians decided that we should all use the masculine third-person singular pronouns (he, him, his) to refer to any antecedent whose gender was unknown. (You’ll be shocked to hear that most of the people behind that decision were men.)

Thus, the generic “he” was born. Rather than saying, “The judge asked that each jury member take their seat,” people started to say, “The judge asked that each jury member take his seat” (even if there were female jurors).

Of course, this solution is both gender-biased and—in some cases—flat-out ridiculous. This is a real sentence from the N.Y. State Assembly in 1984 (Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary of English Usage):

“Everyone will be able to decide for himself whether or not to have an abortion.”

I highlighted that in red because—even though it was technically correct according to the grammar rules at that time—it’s just ridiculous.

In The Copyeditor’s Handbook, Amy Einsohn crafted this equally ridiculous sentence to demonstrate the impracticality of the generic “he”:

“Everyone registered for the postpartum self-care course should bring his partner to the first class.”

The Triumphant (but Controversial) Return of Singular “They”

We obviously needed a better solution than the generic “he,” so many people have turned back to the practical and not-gender-biased singular “they.” Many grammar books nowadays—including the Oxford English Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, and the APA handbook—promote the use of singular “they.”

The American Heritage Dictionary points out, “Despite the apparent grammatical disagreement between a singular antecedent like someone and the plural pronoun them, the construction is so widespread both in print and in speech that it often passes unnoticed.”

The APA Style Guide notes that “the use of the singular ‘they’ is inclusive of all people, helps writers avoid making assumptions about gender, and is part of APA style.”

Merriam-Webster says, “Regardless of what detractors say, nearly everyone uses the singular ‘they’ in casual conversation and often in formal writing.”

The people have spoken and singular “they” is BACK. This includes other forms of “they” referring to indefinite pronouns, like “them,” “their,” and “themselves.” Some people will use “themself” rather than “themselves,” but that particular usage varies.

My teacher said that anyone who knows how to use a comma should pat themself on the back.

My teacher said that anyone who knows how to use a comma should pat themselves on the back.

The decision to bring back singular “they” wasn’t really a conscious one on the part of grammarians. In fact, many particularly prescriptive grammarians still shun its use. But people use it so frequently in everyday language that it’s essentially pointless to try and stop its use.

Everyone uses singular “they,” even if they don’t realize it.

Singular “they” is handy not only for indefinite pronouns like “everyone” and “somebody” but also instances when the gender of the antecedent is nonbinary or needs to be concealed. To be respectful and inclusive, use singular “they.”

Resistance Continues To This Day

In particularly formal or prescriptive environments, some people might disdain the use of singular “they.” Both the Chicago Manual of Style and the book Sin and Syntax (two grammar books I frequently use when writing these posts) recommend avoiding its use.

Although Chicago acknowledges the common usage of singular “they,” this style guide “recommends avoiding its use.” However, it does concede that “when referring specifically to a person who does not identify with a gender-specific pronoun, they and its forms are often preferred.”

Constance Hale in Sin and Syntax recommends completely re-wording your sentence to get rid of singular “they”: “Solving the problem by pasting in they or them just replaces the offensive with the objectionable—or even the inaccurate. […] No true wordsmith ever meets a sentence that can’t be gracefully recast. Try making the antecedent plural so that you can use they with impunity. Don’t be afraid of an occasional he or she, awkward though it may be.”

Recasting a sentence to make the antecedent plural is possible some of the time. For example, you could change “My mother asked that everybody take their shoes off at the front door” to “My mother asked that all the guests take their shoes off at the front door.”

However, completely avoiding singular “they” is simply impractical and unnecessary. The tides have turned and the people have spoken.

Other Awkward Solutions

If you really must avoid using singular “they,” the following solutions have been proposed as alternate choices:

• He/She (alt. His/Her)
  • Anybody who is going to the concert must wear his/her wristband the whole time.
• S/he
  • Someone forgot to lock the door, and s/he is going to be in a lot of trouble.
• He or she (alt. his or her)
  • Would the person who must leave early please stand up, and would he or she please take his or her book out to the hall?

“He or she” is bulky and awkward, and if I am reading a book and see a slash used as part of a pronoun (as in he/she or s/he), I might throw it out the window. But to each their own.

Sources:

• American Psychological Association. Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association. 7th ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2020.
• “America’s Most Trusted Dictionary.” Merriam-Webster. Accessed August 7, 2024. https://www.merriam-webster.com/.
• Baron, Dennis. “A Brief History of Singular ‘They.’” https://www.oed.com/. Accessed September 10, 2024. https://www.oed.com/discover/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/?tl=true.
• Mora, Celeste. “What Is the Singular They, and Why Should I Use It?” Grammarly, May 12, 2020. https://www.grammarly.com/blog/use-the-singular-they/.
• The Chicago Manual of Style. 17th ed. Chicago, IL: The University of Chicago Press, 2017.
• Einsohn, Amy. The Copyeditor’s Handbook. 3rd ed. Berkeley and Los Angeles, California: Univ of California Pr, 2011.
• Hale, Constance. Sin and Syntax: How To Craft Wicked Good Prose. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2013.
• Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of English Usage. 14th ed. Taunton, MA: QuadGraphics, 2016.